Guidelines for Interfaith Dialogue

These ten guidelines are taught in our Interfaith Representative Training and read aloud at the opening of every Seat at the Table roundtable. They are offered to anyone, of any tradition, who finds them useful.

The Ten Guidelines

  1. Speak for yourself

    Say "I" and "in my tradition." No one at the table can speak for every member of a religion, and Pagans, who have no central authority, least of all.

  2. Listen to understand

    Give each speaker your full attention. The purpose of listening is to learn what the other person means, not to prepare a reply.

  3. Let each tradition define itself

    Accept other people's descriptions of their own beliefs and practices. Ask that your own description of yours be accepted in the same way.

  4. Compare like with like

    Compare your ideals with your neighbor's ideals, and your tradition's failings with your neighbor's tradition's failings. Never compare your best with another's worst.

  5. Do not seek converts

    Dialogue is not an occasion for persuasion. Explain when asked. Do not argue that anyone should change their religion.

  6. Be honest about difference

    Agreement that has to be manufactured is not worth having. Name real differences plainly and without apology, and leave them standing.

  7. Check your vocabulary

    Words such as God, faith, church, scripture, prayer, and worship carry different meanings in different traditions, and some do not fit every tradition at all. Ask what a word means to the speaker.

  8. Keep confidences

    What is shared in the room stays in the room unless the speaker says otherwise. Never disclose another person's religious identity. For many Pagans, privacy is a matter of livelihood and family.

  9. Expect mistakes, and forgive them

    Everyone will say something clumsy. Correct errors gently and once. When the error is yours, apologize briefly and go on.

  10. Follow words with work

    Conversation builds understanding. Shared work builds trust. Look for something useful to do together, and do it.

Notes for Pagan Participants

Many Pagans come to interfaith settings with memories of being dismissed or feared. The following habits, learned by our representatives over many years, make a difference.

  • Be ordinary. Arrive on time, dress as the others dress, and volunteer for the unglamorous tasks. Familiarity does most of the work of education.
  • Use plain language. Say "clergy," "holy day," and "ritual" before you say "high priestess," "sabbat," and "circle." Offer the specialized word once the plain one has landed.
  • Answer the question that was meant. A clumsy question is usually an honest one. Hear the curiosity behind it.
  • Do not carry old grievances into the room. The people at the table are not responsible for history, or for what was said to you in your youth.
  • Say what you do, not only what you are not. "We do not worship the Devil" is a correction. "We honor the turning of the seasons and remember our dead each autumn" is a description. Lead with the description.
  • Know your limits. You represent your community at this table. You do not speak for all Pagans, and it is right to say so.
  • Decline politely. If asked to join a prayer or rite that you cannot in conscience share, stand or sit quietly and respectfully. No explanation is owed.

Notes for Conveners

  • Invite Pagan participants as you would any other community: by a personal invitation to a named person or group.
  • Use inclusive wording in agendas and publicity. "Faith communities" and "spiritual leaders" include everyone. "Churches" and "pastors" do not.
  • Rotate opening words among all the traditions present, and welcome a moment of silence as one of the options.
  • Ask every participant, not only the newest, what would make the gathering comfortable for them.
  • Do not ask one person to be the lone exhibit of an unfamiliar religion. If possible, invite two.

More suggestions for hosts are collected in our guide For Faith Leaders.

Using These Guidelines

These guidelines may be copied and adapted freely for educational and interfaith use, with credit to Pagan EdNet. If your council or congregation adopts them, we would be glad to hear how they serve you. Write to interfaith@paganednet.org.

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